• Discipline and Productivity

I'm not sure what's happened, but a switch has flipped in my mind, and I am motivated. To do what, you may ask? Anything! In a strange way, reading Come Together and Polysecure shifted my mindset not just when it comes to love and sex, but when it comes to everything. Rather than bemoaning, "Why can't I do this? Why haven't I done this? What's wrong with me that I can't get this done?", I've started to instead wonder, "What is preventing me from doing this? What can I do to change my situation so that I feel more motivated and secure?" And that shift has amounted to: changing the lightbulb in the fridge after two and a half years of it being out, cleaning the fridge (something I've been telling myself to do for months), cooking dinner more often (and experimenting while I'm at it!), and, unfortunately for my beloved husband who is the only driver in the house, commiting to buying things as soon as I notice we need them (within reason, of course!)

My husband and I have a strange relationship with productivity. They have 100% unmanaged ADHD, and a lot of them accomplishing things is a result of me nudging them gently (and sometimes not so gently) to get things done. We have an appointment scheduled with their doctor next week to discuss getting them on medication, and I'm hoping they stay with their therapist as well to help manage it, but that is one thing I will not nudge them to do. How they manage their mind is their choice. We've talked multiple times, and reassured each other that I don't consider his ADHd something "wrong" with him, and he doesn't resent me for being persistent in making sure he remembers to take his meds, eat, etc.

Money continues to be an issue. Juni may have a neurological/nerve/skin condition, or he may need a behavorial consult, and both options are very expensive. I reached out to hopefully get a revision on my botched top surgery, and that will also be a significant amount of money. And Ruben's formal ADHD assessment, which is partially covered by insurance but not fully. And my birthday party is on the 20th! We're actually going out to celebrate, so it'll be more money.

I'm choosing to be calm about it.